Some decisions we carry around for weeks, even months. We weigh things up, write lists, ask everyone – and still don’t move. In these moments it is rarely information that is missing. Much more often, it is hearing our own inner voice – and stepping out of the narrow frame we have boxed ourselves into.
Escape the “A or B” dilemma
When facing a decision, we almost automatically start thinking in two extremes: “Should I quit or stay?”, “Should I go for it or not?”. And in that moment we get stuck. If you choose A, you dwell on what you lose from B; if you choose B, on what you lose from A. Deep down every option feels like a loss – and you stop noticing what you could gain.
The way out is to widen your view. There are almost never just two options. Ask yourself: “If neither A nor B existed, what would a third or fourth path be?” It might be a combination of the two, an in-between step, or a completely new direction. We usually have far more options than we think – we just get caught in that first, quick dilemma.
Write down, thinking outside the box, what real options you have beyond these. Then look at each one: what possibilities do you have for it, and what would its consequences be? This deeper mapping brings the kind of clarity from which deciding becomes much easier.
Separate fear from desire
Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left, write what you are afraid of if you take the step. On the right, what you truly long for. Often this separation alone brings surprising clarity.
Ask your future self
Imagine yourself a year from now. What would the you who is already past this decision advise you? What would she want you to do now – or not do?
The next step is enough
You don’t need to see the whole path. It is enough to know the one small step you can take next week. Clarity often arrives while you are moving.
If you feel it would help to think through your next step together with someone, a short, relaxed conversation can be a good starting point.
— Beáta